My father chose my name, and that cemented my connection to Judaism. He named me after his mother, Pruva, who died in the Holocaust.

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Pruve Weiss Adler, my father’s mother, who died in Auschwitz.

The “American” version of my name is Preeva. My parents were solidly Ashkenazic, which means that they believed in naming after the dead—I have an older cousin named Zipora Priva—and rabidly Zionist, which means Preeva Rivka is the name on my birth certificate.  Daddy took to me shul on Friday nights, and we came early so he could talk to his friends and show me off a little:  He would say: “Preeva, explain your name,” and I would straighten my dress, and recite:

“When God created man, on the sixth day he said to him, Pru U’Rvu Ee melu et ha’aretz, be fruitful and multiply and develop the earth. From that comes Pruva, which we pronounce here in America, Preeva.”

He set an example for me by putting on t’fillin every morning before work, even when he worked on Saturday.

He also took me to the Wailing Wall in 1968, and blessed me there:

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He died in 1975, when I was 16, on June 5. His yahrtzeit this year is June 15.

I was just named President of Etz Chayim, an independent liberal synagogue in Palo Alto, and I am working on a book about the facts of his life. On Saturday, I am sponsoring the Oneg at Etz Chaim on June 16 (what I grew up calling a Kiddush) in his memory.

He was born in 1911 in a town called Munkach in the Austro-Hungarian empire. He was a Munkacher his whole life, but the borders moved so that his town was in four different countries in his lifetime. In 1918 Munkach became part of Czechoslovakia. In 1938, it became part of Germany, ruled by the Hungarians. In 1945, it became part of the Soviet Union. Sixteen years after he died, the town became part of the Ukraine.

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My speech Sunday at Congregation Etz Chayim

I became president of my synagogue Sunday. The votes were counted (very appropriate since California’s primary was the previous Tuesday), I made a speech, and the virtual gavel was passed. Here is what I said to the congregation Sunday.

Dear Congregants,
After this meeting, the board, including the new members you just elected, is going to convene and choose the officers for the year. I’m excited to be working with them. Bart Hechtman is going to be EVP, Art Sklaroff will be Treasurer, and Celia Stern Aufdemberge will be Secretary. Joanne Goldberg continues to advise us as past president. These are great people, and talented. I am going to depend on them to help me do the best for Etz Chayim, since they have strengths that make up for my many personal shortcomings.

July 1 we will have a board meeting offsite, where the board will get to know each other and the heads of the committees that do most of the work around here. I am in the process of planning that offsite meeting now, and suggestions are welcome.
Here are my campaign promises for Etz for the coming year: More transparency, greater involvement and a stronger commitment to the future.
I want to continue to make Etz great.

Because Etz people are great.
Etz is a congregation for people who want to know how things work, who know what things mean, and who like knowledge. They are people who want to participate rather than watch, people who enjoy something more if f they have a contributing role.
They are people like my mother in law.
She was the caterer for most of the manager’s meetings Commodore Business Machines had. She had to be. They were held in her house. She would lay out a noontime meal for 30 people on a days notice, sometimes less. It was usually deli, she didn’t KILL herself, but it was nicely presented. And she made Shabbat dinner for her boys every week she could.
I have the china to prove it.
Many of you know that Commodore produced the best selling computer in history, the Commodore 64. But before that, for years, the company bumped along. Then things clicked, and Commodore stock started going up a lot . A LOT. fast. If you want more details, talk to my husband—I tried to find a price chart this morning, but couldn’t. But he knows.
Anyway, when Commodore stock became worth a lot, and the company got so international they got a private plane, my mother in law stopped fixing lunch for for the managers.
But she kept on cooking for the family. One day, when one of the managers came in to her house on a Friday afternoon, he found her cooking dinner. All of them had stock, so all of them followed Commodore prices. This manager said to her “you have so much money, why don’t you hire someone to cook for you?” and she said. “Listen, the money is in the bank, not in my head.” There are things, she told me, too important to give to hired help.

My in-laws started out in the US, in a cold water walk up on the lower east side of NY. That was a poor neighborhood back then. My mother-in-law said they were never poor, just short of money.
This agreed with my OWN father’s philosophy, which he taught me: If you have two cents more than you need, you are rich.

Call it European, call it old fashioned, my father and my in laws, who are survivors, love to DO. People who can do things, and keep doing what they can do because they love it that they can do something.

And that is what I think Etz people are, people who like to DO more than they like to HAVE.
They like to make the music, instead of just listening to it.
So here is my vision for us:

We continue to be, independent, and liberal, and proud.

Proud to believe in science. Proud to believe in co existing with the rest of the world. Proud to know the difference between the laws of Nature and the laws of Man. Proud to be Jewish, without being religious. Happy to learn more about Jewishness, without being enslaved by it. Happy to be able to do what needs doing .
I was going to end with a quote from Rebecca Goldstein, who is one of the smartest people I know, but I’m going to end here, and publish our correspondence in the next issue of Connections, our newsletter, which comes out July 1.

Thank you for this honor.

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Hey, JJ! Give the Miamians a break!

Hey, JJ! Give the Miamians a break!

I just wrote a letter  to JJ Goldberg, who published this editorial in the Forward.

The background is, Temple Israel in Miami, FL, where my dear friend Alan married the Jewish boy of his dreams and agreed to have their local representative, Debbie Wasserman Shultz, speak, but cancelled her appearance at that the last minute because
1) one of their old crotchety donors threatened to leave the congregation if they didn’t give him a rebuttal, and
2) Republicans for Romney threatened to demonstrate and Temple Israel,  would have had to hire and coordinate police to manage the melee.
I know synagogue politics, and they can be hairy. So I don’t know why JJ pinned the fate of American liberalism on this poor congregation, instead of showing a little mercy.
Dear JJ,
So a popular congresswoman’s talk was cancelled at Temple Israel?  And you blame the Jews? Why not blame the economy?  That’s the real culprit.
I know people at Temple Israel, and I know synagogue politics, and I think that when Wasserman Shultz blames internal politics, you can believe it.
Republicans  threatened to bring an Astroturf demonstration which would have needed a police presence, and the temple leadership did not want to deal with it on a holiday weekend.   Temple Israel is not a large university like Notre Dame or  Georgetown.  Calling Temple Israel cowardly when they are progressive and wonderful and reach out to the entire country is just wrong. They have declined in numbers so much they treasure each member. Even the Republican ones.
Many Jews have aligned themselves with Republicans for the sake of Israel. And  Republicans, who  know how to press their advantage, are trying to bring their politics into synagogues the way they brought them into the evangelical movement. There is going to be some back and forth in this struggle.  Temple Israel has hosted plenty of liberal speakers in the past, and they will again.  But for one holiday weekend, they took the easy way out and passed on the controversy.
Would you have hired the police for them? Would the Democratic Party?
There are feelings here, and budgets to be balanced.
 Shame on you for making an example of Temple Israel.
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Chassidot and Chutzpah

Chassidot and Chutzpah

Anat Hoffman, head of the Israel Religious Action Center (IRAC), addressed Congregation Beth Am in February of this year.  Hearing her talk gave me a good perspective on a recent  statement written by Chaya, an anonymous  Chabad woman, in  the XOJane  blog on May 22.

Chaya declares, in short, that women in her Chassidic  community are happy, empowered, sexually active, in love with their husbands, and in touch with their bodies. And they are also in possession of good kugel recipes and can speak a bit of Spanish. She concludes:“The next time you see a Jewish lady in a wig pushing a baby carriage through Brooklyn, I hope you won’t see an imprisoned waif who is just waiting to be liberated. Cuz we’re not like that. We’re strong. We’re invincible. And we make delicious kugel. L’chaim, chicas!”

In Israel, where Anat Hoffman works, they are also the only one in their homes who work. In many Chassidic households, it is the women who deal with the outside world while the men sit and study.  One of the things the men study, amazingly, is how to control women’s lives. Hoffman theorized that the “black hats,” the Haredim in Israel, silence and marginalize women in public because, in private, they would starve without them.

Hoffman’s work is fighting  illegal and misogynistic policies enforced by local rabbis and government employees.  Her organization has fought everyone from bus drivers who let women be moved to the back of the bus, to clerks who tear up completed paperwork for women they do not think are dressed properly enough to obtain Israeli citizenship as Jews.

“There are many shades of black,” she said.  “Women walk into my office and say, ‘thank God for you Reformim.’”  While IRAC initiates a lot of lawsuits, so do a few Orthodox women ( most notably Naomi Ragen, the outspoken American author who is frank on the subject of misogyny in the Orthodox community, yet militantly observant).  “Orthodox women,” Hoffman stated, “are some of the bravest feminists I know.”

Hoffman goes to court about sixty times a year to uphold civil rights in Israel that are written into the law of the land but undermined by ultra-Orthodox rabbis.

The audience at Congregation Beth Am overwhelmingly agreed that getting a non-Orthodox rabbi on the payroll of the Israeli government was important. Hoffman has been fighting to get Miri Gold, the Reform rabbi who lives on Kibbutz Gezer on the goverment payroll, and recently won.  The fight took seven years.

Gold joins the ranks of rabbis who draw salaries from the Israeli government. “There are 4000 rabbis in Israel, and they are all men.” Hoffman said. “The chutzpah!  I’ve visited many schools that are no more than post office boxes.”  These male, Orthodox rabbis all draw salaries. Now Miri Gold will too, which is why Reform, Masorti, and Modern Orthodox Jews consider the precedent a victory, and why the strictly Orthodox religious establishment is livid.

It’s part of the dialectical nature of Jews.  One does, the other questions. Men rally, women do what they want.  Observed on a 747 going from JFK to TLV in business class the day after the ‘asifa,’ or meeting, on the subject of the Internet that happened at Citi Field: An Orthodox man in a black hat talking about the rally, and his wife, sitting next to him, reading a book.  It’s title? ’50 Shades of Grey.’

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Raspberries and Flowers!

My husband works out with Rhona Mahony, who is dedicated to helping the honeybee population in our area.  She works out with my husband Leonard.  She asked and I agreed to host a beehive in our garden in January. But Rhona is a volunteer, and she works with volunteers, and she builds beehives on her own time with donated materials, so it took a while to get built.

My beehive, built by Rhona Mahony

I think it is pretty.

In what I see as a strange twist of fate, it arrived at my house in April, the day after my father in law Jack died.   Jack was always enthusiastic about bees, and I did not realize why until just recently. In Polish his name, TRZMIEL, means a type of bee.

And they have been busy! They pollinated the HECK out of my berries, setting me up for a great crop.

So much happened  before and after Jack’s death that I have let my garden go completely to flower.  Even the carrots are fixing to flower, which is going to be good for the bees. So when people ask what I’m growing these days, I say ‘flowers.’

The netting on the fence has provided support for cucumbers, beans, sweet peas and snap peas over the years. Now it is waiting for the nasturtiums to climb up.

The real intense blue is from anagallis monelii, an annual I got from Annie’s Annuals. The less intense blue is from borage, which spreads like crazy in my garden. White is alyssum, erigeron, and feverfew.  It’s a mess, but the bees love it. There’s some kale and asparagus, also, and the odd potato plant.

The honeybees have been so happy, I think they sent off a daughter swarm.  I know for a fact they are making lots of trips to the flowers in my area, and making lots of honey, if you can tell by this picture.

Rhona Mahony put a window in this hive, so I can se what they are doing!

The honey in these combs is not visible in this picture because of the lighting, but it’s there!

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My take on the IRAC victory

Chassidot and Chutzpah


Anat Hoffman, head of the Israel Religious Action Center (IRAC), addressed Congregation Beth Am in February of this year.

Hearing her talk gave me a good perspective on a recent blog post written by Chaya, an anonymous Chabad woman, in the XOJane blog on May 22. Chaya said that women in her Chassidic community are happy, empowered, sexually active, in love with their husbands,  in touch with their bodies, in possession of good kugel recipes and can speak a bit of Spanish, besides.

“The next time you see a Jewish lady in a wig pushing a baby carriage through Brooklyn, I hope you won’t see an imprisoned waif who is just waiting to be liberated. Cuz we’re not like that. We’re strong. We’re invincible. And we make delicious kugel. L’chaim, chicas!”

They have to be invincible, or they would collapse. That typical woman pushing a stroller  is probably pregnant, and has a part-time job or two.

Since the Yeshivot of Europe were founded, the women went out and earned a living, or depended on their fathers to support their families while their men studied.  Women are  bound to fewer mitzvot compared to men’s 613, so have more flexible schedules.  One of a women’s  mitzvot is adhering to the laws of family purity, so they only touch her husbands at the most fertile time of the month, AND many of them do not believe in birth control.  But having children is a mitzvah, too. And there is no shame in being poor, or taking aid from the government.  The 2010 US census revealed that Kiryas Yoel, the little ultra-orthodox hamlet in Rockland County, is one of the poorest places in the country, and one of the most heavily subsidized.

In Israel, men get paid to study. And they get paid to be rabbis. There are 4000 rabbis in Israel, they all have their salaries paid by the government, and they are all Orthodox men. “The chutzpah!”  Anat Hoffman said during her talk.  “I’ve visited many schools that are no more than post office boxes.”

We in America forget that synagogues in Israel are part of the infrastructure, like roads and streetlights and national defense and the court system and public schools are to us. Most Israelis don’t use synagogues more than once a year, if that. So they easily ignore the fact that synagogues are an Orthodox boondoggle.

This is why when Miri Gold, the Reform rabbi of Kibbutz Gezer, was recently recognized as a community leader for that rural area, liberals around the world rejoiced.  Miri Gold is the first female, non-Orthodox rabbi on the government payroll. This court case began in 2005, and it is a big victory, but only one step on the road to equality. Gold will not recognized as a rabbi, only a “non-Orthodox community leader,” like someone who organizes daycare or sports teams.

Hoffman’s  organization has fought everyone from bus drivers (who let women be moved to the back of the bus) to clerks (who tear up completed paperwork for women they do not think are dressed properly enough to obtain Israeli citizenship as Jews) and she said that many Orthodox women are her allies.
“There are many shades of black,” she said. “Women walk into my office and say, ‘thank God for you Reformim.’” While IRAC initiates a lot of lawsuits, so do a few Orthodox women ( most notably Naomi Ragen, the outspoken American author who is frank on the subject of misogyny in the Orthodox community, yet militantly observant). “Orthodox women,” Hoffman stated, “are some of the bravest feminists I know.”
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I love you Erma Bombeck! And I want a Selectric!

I had the great honor of going to the Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop from April 19-21 at the University of Dayton.

I learned some great things. About tweeting and DMing, rights, and writing, comedy and sadness, and Marianist Catholics.And “Our Love is here to Stay,” is stuck in my head forever.

The Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop is a biannual (every 2 years) conference that occurs at the University of Dayton. U of D Catholic school run by an order of clergy and lay people called Marianists.  Matt Ewald, a professor in the communications department who is the head of the workshop, told me Marianists are like Jesuits, but not as flashy. The Communications Department puts together a weekend of communal meals, keynotes, and workshops, all of which address the different challenges of humorous and human-interest writing. There were sessions on the craft of humor, finding your voice, building your platform, selling your work, and even self-publishing.  I collected over 100 business cards, mostly from women who blog, and  got signed up to the Blog her twitter feed. As of this writing, I’ve now tweeted 158 times, and have 125 followers, including a real live comedy writer from SNL who’s coming to Palo Alto June 24 to flog the book he wrote with Dave Barry.

Erma’s whole family attends, her husband and their 3 children.  Some grandchildren attend, and I think they brought some cousins, too.  It’s a celebration and a reunion for them, and makes up a bit for the fact that Erma died quite young—she had kidney disease and died in her late 60’s. I spoke to Erma’s husband, Bill, after one of the sessions—he was right there in the back of the classroom, listening—and thanked him for creating the conference. His contribution, he told me, was insisting on holding the conference every other year, “to give the women writers enough time to recover and integrate what they’ve learned.”  Yearly conferences, he said  “just wouldn’t be enough time for the lessons to sink in and have a life, too.”

The Bombeck family is as nice as can be. They loved that their mother wrote about them; at least they seem to love it now. Before every meal, they took turns reading their favorite column. I didn’t know Erma’s father had died when she was very young—“The Daddy Doll Under the Bed’ was the first column that got read aloud, before the opening dinner, and I was welling up.  But that was nothing.  After dinner, Alan Zweibel read some of his work to us.  I was primed for tears, with all that estrogen around, but when he told us about ‘a tree called Steve,’ I was bawling.

I bonded with a few women over that, via Tweeting, of all things.

Two young moms who were staying at my hotel showed me how to actually USE my Twitter account, and I showed them that we had passed by perfectly lovely diner 3 doors down from our hotel because this diner was not on Yelp.

Maybe 5% of the attendees were men.  Some had been at the conference more than once.  One was a TV host.  The people at this conference believed the social media and concept of platform with a religious fervor. Most of the women were active or wannabe bloggers, and they had been to other social media conferences.  There was unanimous agreement that this was the warmest and most supportive atmosphere of any gathering of writers and bloggers they had been to before.

*The workshop is limited to 350 attendees, and will sell a ticket to anyone who is or wants to be a humor writer.  I didn’t have to submit an essay or be vetted at all. I heard about the conference on “She Writes,” which is one of many Web portals that compete for the eyeballs and keystrokes of aspiring writers, and by the time I heard about the workshop, all the tickets were all sold.   Hoping against hope, and not really expecting much since my father in law was very sick, I joined the Facebook group, and sent an email to someone I had never seen (where IS Ohio, anyway?)  And put myself on the waiting list in case there were cancellations.

When  my iPhone beeped, telling me someone wanted to her ticket, I was far away from home, in Queens, New York, sitting on a bus going back from parent’s graves in Beth David Cemetery in Elmont, Long Island.  The bus was too noisy to talk, but it had Wi-Fi so I checked my email–I had just had a good cry in the cemetery and needed a break–and there was the notice, that I could buy someone’s ticket. I started giggling.

This illustrates something that the keynoters kept saying: “Laughter and tears are always very close to one another.”

And at the conference, we did plenty of both.  Alan Zweibel was hilarious, as was Adriana Trigiani, Connie Shultz, and Ilene Beckerman, the lady who became an author at the age of 70 when she hand drew and wrote a book called  “love, loss, and what I wore,” made  copies at Kinko’s to give to her children and friends, and then had a publisher call her out of the blue with a contract offer  a year later.

Here are my most important take-aways:

1. Carry a notebook (done)

2. If you Tweet something, it’s copyrighted, so Tweet every clever line you think of.

3. Give your loved ones veto power and first reading if you are going to write something about them.  Remind them if they veto too much, their part of your next book is going to be the shortest.

4. Have ‘the goods’ ready.  Have a finished piece ready to go when you write a query letter.

5. Don’t hit ‘send’ or post too soon.  Craft everything in Word first.

6. Read everything out loud, to someone.  Dogs are very good for this. I’ll have to make do with my cat, Cleo.

There were some great roundups of the conference written by mom bloggers who were faster to the keyboard than I am, and you can find them on the Erma Bombeck Workshop site you should go and see!

http://humorwriters.org/

 

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Richard Dawkins is Very English

When I told Richard Dawkins that his term, ‘meme’ which he coined in 1976, had been appropriated by the digerati, and that they had forgotten its origins in biology in general and with him in particular, he jumped up and said ‘Bloody Hell!” Then he smiled.
The father of the meme is very much alive and kicking. This week, he is on a luxurious riverboat on the Rhine, and I got to sit next to him at dinner last night.
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With Dawkins on the Rhine

When I told Richard Dawkins that his term, ‘meme’ which he coined in 1976, had been appropriated by the digerati, and that they had forgotten its origins in biology in general and with him in particular, he jumped up and said ‘Bloody Hell!” Then he smiled.

The father of the meme is very much alive and kicking. This week, he is on a luxurious riverboat on the Rhine, and I got to sit next to him at dinner last night.

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SQUIRREL!

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Warning.

I was working with my gardener Federico when I noticed what I thought was a dead grey squirrel curled up near the compost pile.

“Look at that,” I said, “A dead squirrel, can you get rid of it?”

The squirrel must have heard.  It unrolled itself, sat up and blinked, looking sad.

Federico noticed that ants were crawling over its spiky little feet. Yes, the sick squirrel was pathetic but as I looked at it, I was overcome by rage at its kind.

Squirrels are just rats with good PR.  They eat my flower bulbs.  They wiped out my crop of snow peas by eating the plants.  They dug out my lettuce plants. And they are trying to invade my home. I have proof.

Look at this picture.  I heard noises around my skylights, and I hired a roofer to investigate. The bright parts are SQUIRREL CHEWED METAL.  SQUIRREL EATEN ALUMINUM. Yikes

I looked again at the woozy squirrel.

“Get rid of it.” I said, and went into the house to hide. Later, Federico, who is a kind man, told me he just put it under a bush.

Very early the next morning, I woke up from a dream about fleas and squirrels in a cold sweat.

Squirrels  are a vector. There was sick squirrel loose in my yard. A vector animal carries sickness from one species to another. What could it do?  I looked up squirrels at the Santa Clara County vector control website:

http://www.sccgov.org/sites/vector/Pages/Vector-Control-District-Site-Home-Page.aspx

While the headline disease now  is WNV, the West Nile Virus,  turns out squirrels can carry bubonic plague, too. THE plague! That killed 1/3 of Europe!


Visions of  “Bring Out Your Dead” from Monty Python danced in my head. thinking that squirrels can carry the PLAGUE!  I called and emailed vector control about
the sick squirrel in my backyard.After I hung up it hit me.The squirrel might have recovered. While it was still at large, it was not my problem.I stopped hyperventilating, and left the house  for an errand.When I got back, my husband hollered down the stairs at me. “Did you call someone about a sick squirrel?”I wanted to tell him about everything, fleas, plague, buboes, Monty Python.  I wanted to bury my face in his chest and have him soothe my fears of being the epicenter of a horrible pestilence.  But he was upstairs, and I am lazy.

“Yes,” I hollered back upstairs to him.

“They said if the squirrel isn’t dead, and you don’t have it, then they can’t pick it up.”


“OK,” I hollered up.

 Right, I thought. They can’t test a living squirrel for disease, only a dead one.I made a quick tour of my garden, looking for the corpse, but didn’t find anything. So the squirrel probably recovered.
If that recovered squirrel ends up chewing on my skylights, I’m killing it for sure and calling Vector Control again.


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