On chanukah, we celebrate by frying things. European Jews fry grated potatoes for latkes, Sephardic jews fry pastry for soufganiot, or jelly doughnuts.

While I have seen some recipes for sweet potato latkes to be served up with cranberry sauce, why hasn’t anyone suggested frying a TURKEY for Thanksgivvukah? It’s supposed to be very good. It takes much less time.

I bet it’s because a deep-fired turkey is too redneck, or too dangerous.

Cowards.